While in Italy about 2 and a half weeks in I received the news that someone close to me was the victim of a crime. Being so far away there was not much I could do. Communication was difficult, it was a complicated time and yet here I was in this most magical place.
I learned how to separate and somehow still enjoy my time there. I am not sure what those last three weeks would have been like without that news but I made the best of it and had the most amazing people around me who tried very hard to help me have a good time, despite my broken heart.
But when I returned, all the feelings I had put aside came flooding back. And seeing my loved one in that place of darkness and confusion and in a traumatic state was just heartbreaking and I could feel my own depression trying to take hold. I fought hard to maintain my light, my joy, my life and not completely fall apart and fall into fear. It was not easy in the least. I was scared for my loved one, I was scared for myself. I was lost really.
But I painted like crazy, I held on hard to my life. I needed to be strong, I needed to live that tattoo I got in Italy and continue to say yes to my life. I ate a lot and put on some pounds, I cried a lot, I confided in people close to me, I reached out for help when I needed it. I tried to be an example for my loved one. I would be of no use if I lost it too.
Looking back now, I think each and every piece I painted was either me owning the darkness or reclaiming the light. It was me clawing my way out and standing in the hope of better tomorrow.
My loved one is in a much better place now, still healing but she is finding her own light again.
Me? I'm staying steady. I am honoring the fight with my warrior series but I'm also honoring that I don't really want to have to fight so hard anymore. That victory can be won with love, with being steady, with wisdom, strength, calm, and flow. It's a new layer of healing for me.